Today's post is very different to all the other features on One Thousand Worlds. I started writing my third novel just yesterday, so there are many months of writing, proofreading, editing, etc. ahead of me. But I thought that I would share this with you. I would love to hear what you think and whether it has aroused any interest in reading the work when it's completed. If you have a work in progress, why not submit the first one thousand words as I've done. You can also add links to where readers can find your completed books.
Work in Progress
The aching muscles in her arms screamed at her to stop, but
she couldn't hear their plaintive cries. Nor did she notice the torrent of silent
tears streaming down her young face. For Hannah Jones wasn't sitting in a tiny
rowing boat, bobbing on the turbulent surface of Capel Celyn reservoir.
She stood in the kitchen doorway, screaming at the horror set
before her. A single moment in time which had forever changed her life. Sunlight
poured through the window, momentarily blinding her as it reflected from the
blood stained knife in Dad's hand. He looked up at her, from a kneeling
position on the tiled kitchen floor, beside her lifeless mother. A rapidly growing
pool of blood surrounding him.
Hannah vomited, even before she felt the overpowering feeling
of nausea explode inside her. She turned unsteadily, bumping into the coat
stand as she ran wildly through the hallway and out into the street, before
slumping to her knees.
Mandy Williams stood on the shore, watching the little boat crawl
away. She called out, but her voice was lost in the wind and driving rain. What was Hannah doing on the lake in this
weather? She'll never get back in
time for tea, she thought.
The boat rocked as Hannah got to her feet and reached down
for her backpack, struggling with its weight as she tried to get the straps
over her shoulders. The tears had dried and a look of calmness washed over her
pale face. She put one foot on the side of the boat, pushed hard with the
other, disturbing the vessel even more as she plunged into the abyss.
Mandy stood transfixed, horrified at what she saw, before she
turned, running hysterically to where the other students were gathered. She
tried to tell them what had happened, but her words came out incoherently and
too quickly for anyone to understand at first.
She forced herself to calm down, "Hannah just jumped
into the reservoir!" She blurted out, pointing to the abandoned boat.
"I can't see her anymore."
The group raced out to the spot in a flotilla of rowing
boats. Circling the immediate area.
Hannah found comfort in the freezing water, quickly sinking
to the bottom, dragged down by the rocks in her backpack. The events of the
last ten months replayed themselves before her eyes. Mam and Dad arguing all
the time, him leaving home and staying at Nan's house and then ...... that
fateful Saturday afternoon.
Hannah hit the bottom of the lake with a jolt, coming to rest
on hard rocks. Her lungs filled with water, and her arms and legs thrashed
involuntarily, sending clouds of silt into the already murky water. Her eyes
closed slowly and blackness engulfed her.
A hundred feet above, the students had been joined by the
staff from the outwards bound centre, searching frantically, screaming out her
name. She'd been gone for what seemed like forever as time stood still. The
first Land Rover arrived and the Mountain Rescue team scrambled out. The team
leader was briefed by one of the centre staff who was coordinating the search
from the shore. Moments later the second appeared and then took off again after
a few words were shared by the leader of the first team.
Mandy sat on the shore, shivering as she vacantly watched the
second vehicle travel around the lake, bobbing headlights cutting a path
through the rapidly fading light. One by one, the small crafts returned to
shore as night fell and still no sign of Hannah. Hope faded ever more quickly
as she watched the weary rescuers clamber back onto dry land without her
friend.
There was no light, no sound, no feeling, no pain. There were
no thoughts and no memories. All there was, was nothingness, blackness, an impossible
void. Time didn't stand still, there was no time. But then gradually, from
somewhere far away, from the very edge of the universe itself, an awareness
seeped through the vacuum. Sound, at first muffled and distorted, slowly
increased in volume and clarity until Hannah could hear her own name being
called. Now she could feel the merest touch of warmth against her frozen body.
Then pressure in the middle of her chest. An awful taste in her mouth made her
gag. She coughed, expelling water from her lungs. Through unopened eyes, she
sensed bright light shining upon her face. Anxious voices became clear, talking
to her, but she couldn't respond. Hannah forced her eyelids apart, just a tiny
fraction, before the blinding light forced them together again. And then the
memories returned.
Hannah sat up in her hospital bed, reading the Merthyr
Express headline: "Miracle Girl
Survives Suicide Attempt." Two days had passed since she'd failed to
take her own life and she still couldn't believe that she was alive. Nobody had
been able to explain how she came to be on the shore of the lake, with her
heavy backpack still strapped tightly to her lifeless body. She had carefully
planned her own death, taking no chances that she might be saved. But somehow
she was here now. She began to read the article, but was interrupted by one of
the nurses on Ward 35 of Prince Charles Hospital.
"This is Doctor Humphreys," she said introducing
the smartly dressed female standing beside her. "She's come to talk to
you."
Hannah shifted uneasily on the bed as she put her newspaper
to one side.
"Do you mind if I sit down?" The doctor didn't wait
for a response as she sat in the high backed chair beside Hannah's bed.
"Please call me Jane. I've come to see how you are."
Hannah remained silent, avoiding eye contact with her pretty visitor.
"I know that you've been through some terrible
experiences," Jane continued, "and can't begin to understand how you
feel, but I really want to help you come to terms with what's happened."
Jane paused, hoping that Hannah might respond. She'd worked
in psychiatry for three years and dealt with many attempted suicides, most of
which were just cries for help. This case was different. She knew Hannah had
only one intention when she stepped out of the boat and she could understand
her motives for doing so. Finding your mother dead on the floor, killed by your
own father.....her whole world turned upside down in a second.
My other books are available on Amazon
You can find me on:
And here's the trailer for The Tales of Finndragon series.
Now that's a pretty sterling start. The rest of the book is wide open - paranormal probably but perhaps Hannah is unknowingly non-human; could be one of many routes into fantasy.
ReplyDeleteIt certainly held my interest and there's a nice attention to detail mixed with a "what the hell's going on here" feeling.
Great.
Hi Arch. Thanks for taking the time to give me feedback. I can't say too much, but you're on the right track with paranormal.
ReplyDeleteI just need to write another 80k words now.
Wow! Thank you so much for your great feedback, this is exactly what I was hoping for when I posted my opening. This is only my third novel, so I am still a novice and learning all the time, and this certainly helps.
ReplyDeleteMy Apologies to Changeling, who left some brilliant feedback for me. My lack of IT skills has again reared its ugly head, forcing me to accidentally delete your comment. Nevertheless, your words of wisdom are still reverberating inside my head.
Delete